I had to let this out or else I’d still be thinking why.

You know, there are those kind of people who’d promise you everything and then leave you hanging. It’s like politics, but of the heart. Paasa! And they’ll never admit it themselves.

Well, I know I am one too. But, I never intend it to happen. It just happens. Like shit. Shit happens. You can barely control your own emotions. How much more with another’s emotion. It just happens. And at times, I’m thinking, maybe this is my karma. But I never did intend to hurt another person. But when I’m hurt, I can’t ask that person to say sorry to me. Shit happens.

Here’s this one guy. One among a few others who had done the same a million times before. We’d start with our hi’s and hello’s. A little bit of what you doin’, what’s your favorite color, what’s your motto, and who’s your favorite singer. So you answer everything inside a great brick house, setting up a barrier from huffs and puffs. And you’re confident you’ll get through the small talk and make a friend of this new stranger. Then he ends up asking what is crush and what is love. Then he calls you babe. And you answer “what?” “really?” And you feel the barrier starting to crumble. You start using petnames. Like babe. Eeeww I know right. And you feel like you’re on cloud nine. Maybe this is it.

And then boom. You’re left floating out of space. Another limbo, if you will. A million limbos like before. It would be overkill to know he’s flirting with two other guys. And he says he didn’t lead you on or what. Bullshit.

Then he ends up with another guy. He’s all over that guy he met like three days ago. They met. Dated. Had the greatest sex they had in their lives. And then this other guy decides to leave him for good. Hanging there in a thread of doubt. What happened? I’d like to ask him the same question. But I dare not.

We’re still friends. Just friends. We decided to leave it there. We decided. But my heart won’t agree. Anyway, that’s out of the question. Friendzone is the new busted. I can’t help but feel sad not because it ended this way. But because I let myself out of my brick house. I need sturdier material. Adamantite or damascus, anyone?

Now he’s on another target. And he’s giddy as a teenager to move on to this new relationship. I wish you well. But I do hope I get to know what made you decide to discard me along the way. Was it because I don’t own a car, I’m not an alumni of UP, I don’t have six-pack abs, I don’t have that perfect cleft chin, or don’t even have enough credits to give you a ring on your mobile. I’m not all that. I can try to have one or all of them. But I’m not that person who’ll change so that you’ll like me. I am me. All I can give you is time. And all the time I’ve wasted was for just a few hahas.

It’s time for me to have this time back to myself. Maybe give it to someone who deserves it and would appreciate it more than you do. And maybe raise my tower higher.


Photo by Maiyya via KoiNUP.

Emptio spei – in legal parlance, is the sale of vain hope, therefore void ab initio.